Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
