The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
