these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
