She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
