I feel like abortions should bother me more
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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