some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
