i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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