dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
