No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
