Will you blow on my dice?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize