remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
