Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
