i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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