Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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