Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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