Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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