yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
