I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
