A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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