I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
