Sry I called you an 8
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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