At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
