I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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