I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
