The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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