I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
