Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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