i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
