Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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