Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
