Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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