Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I had to cum in my sink.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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