The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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