Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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