I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
