i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
