Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
