yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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