She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
