he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
