I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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