so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
