Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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