you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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