shes about as inviting as chlamydia
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
