On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
