so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
