He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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