Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
