I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Randomize
