I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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