Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
