apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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