I think I am morally bankrupt
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
