Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
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I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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