My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
