Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
