oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
