Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
