I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
try to milk me bitch
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