i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
