I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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