Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
