Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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