You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
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