You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
