Will you blow on my dice?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
