ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
