Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
